The wife of a popular and powerful megachurch pastor upends her charmed “rags-to-Rolex” life when her secretive past comes roaring into the spotlight—in this much-anticipated debut novel from Deesha Philyaw, author of the award-winning hit short story collection The Secret Lives of Church Ladies.

From the moment Scharisse Freeman ditched her humble roots and married a megachurch pastor fifteen years her senior, she’s been labeled too brash and too “of the world” by church folks who grudgingly accepted her into their fold, and too holy by her estranged childhood bestie Petra. Schar doesn’t have many allies, but that hasn’t stopped her from building an enviable business empire spanning books to clothing to branded products, and living a comfortable life—one her mother would have been proud of.

On the eve of her 40th birthday, Schar gets the validation she’s always dreamt of: a coveted invitation to participate in the First Lady USA pageant. This is her chance to be accepted by the other pastors’ wives—First Ladies—who are “like Jesus’ disciples if they had been a group of mean girls.” Finally, blissfully, the ice between Schar and the other First Ladies begins to thaw.

But as the competition nears, a sensational scandal breaks with Schar at its center, and her carefully curated life begins to implode. Schar faces down shame and terrible secrets from her childhood and is reminded that in the eyes of the church, optics can matter more than the truth. Past and present collide, and Schar must decide: follow the edicts—and hypocrisies—of the life she’s chosen, or embrace her authentic self.

Weaving narrative threads from the AIDS crisis of the 1980s to the Obama era of the 2000s, Deesha Philyaw has created a story that is at once an unflinchingly funny and frank examination of sexual agency and the Black church, and also a tender exploration of how the events that have shaped a person’s past can allow them to stand proudly in the truth of the present.