It’s time for a feminist revolution!
How do you find a needle in a haystack? You burn the haystack to the ground.
Among Dr. Jennie Young’s legion of fans, the “needle” is a long-term, committed partner and the “haystack” is the group of men available to date. So often women are advised to “give the guy a chance,” to take seriously men whose app bios tell women not to take themselves seriously. Young’s refreshing approach to online dating turns this advice on its head: Give almost no one a chance.
A professor of feminist rhetoric, Young teaches people how to decode the hidden meanings in ordinary communication. Fascinated (and frustrated) by the rhetorical gambits she saw in men’s profiles when she first downloaded a dating app, she created Burned Haystack to help other women navigate the nonsense and find their needles.
Young has revolutionized the dating lexicon by identifying common toxic rhetorical patterns in men’s messaging, such as:
- Test and Apologize: He texts some sexual innuendo, then apologizes before you can
even respond. He’s testing if you’ll be okay with being objectified. The test is real; the apology isn’t. - Disciplinary/Directive: He uses his dating app profile to “lay down the law” with women, which usually turns into abuse down the road. Understanding this pattern will help you disengage from this guy before he ruins your life.
- Blue Ribbon for Bare Minimum: He opens his bio with “I will never hit you” (shockingly common) or brags about basic adult life skills such as having a job or washing his sheets. Things don’t improve from here.
Young’s engaging system empowers readers to sort through profiles quickly and effectively, preserving both time and sanity. And with its blend of scathing humor and academic rigor, Burn the Haystack is so much more than a dating tool—it gives women the skills to break down communication from the classroom to the boardroom and everywhere in between, and the confidence to approach life with a deeper, more powerful level of understanding.
It’s time for a feminist dating revolution! The eagerly awaited first book by the creator of the Burned Haystack Dating Method who’s transforming the dating world by helping you ditch the duds, preserve your peace, and find your needle.
How do you find a needle in a haystack? You burn the haystack to the ground.
Among Dr. Jennie Young’s legion of fans, the “needle” is a long-term, committed partner and the “haystack” is the group of men available to date. So often women are advised to “give the guy a chance”—even if the guy is a lazy communicator or looking for someone “fluent in sarcasm.” Young’s refreshing approach to online dating turns this advice on its head: Give almost no one a chance.
A professor of rhetoric and women’s and gender studies, Young has built a career teaching people how to decode the hidden meanings in ordinary communication. Fascinated (and frustrated) by the rhetorical gambits she saw in men’s profiles when she first downloaded a dating app, she created Burned Haystack to help other women navigate the nonsense and find their needles. Her method has quickly spread to more than 250,000 followers and become the smart woman’s guide to online dating sanity.
Young has revolutionized the dating lexicon, calling out rhetorical patterns to watch for in men’s communication:
- “I’m a very busy man!”: Leading with this language establishes him at the top of the hierarchy and frames him as a reward for a worthy woman.
- Test and Apologize: He texts something sexual, then apologizes before she can respond, pretending it was an “accident.” He’s testing if she’ll be okay with immediate objectification. The test is real; the apology isn’t.
- “My kids come first”: Taken literally, this sounds like a good dad. But if you examine the subtext and the context, he’s in effect saying, “Don’t expect too much from me.”
Young’s engaging system empowers readers to sort through profiles quickly and effectively, preserving both time and sanity. And with its blend of scathing humor and academic rigor, Burn the Haystack is so much more than a dating tool—it gives women the skills to break down communication from the classroom to the boardroom and everywhere in between, and the confidence to approach life with a deeper, more powerful level of understanding.
